11 fifteen years later

My 9/11 fifteen years later In case you dont know, I was at the World Trade Center when it fell. Here is the piece I wrote for Time magazine on that day. Here is an archive of the posts Ive written every year on 9/11. Here are my two biggest problems today: 1. Kids.  Both my sons  slimed out of doing chores two days in a row and I have read way too many times that kids who grow up with chores are way more resilient than kids who dont grow up with chores. And I really really want to be a good mom because I have to work so hard at not duplicating my own childhood. 2. Fat.  I have gained 30 pounds since I started driving 20 hours a week for my sons cello lessons. I was thin before this started, and I am tall,  but still, gaining 30 pounds is really terrifying. I have to wake up every day and tell myself I can lose it. Or else I wont get out of bed. So, its fifteen years after 9/11 and Im going to tell you the secret to all of life: 9/11 didnt change me. Im back to my regular self. I am worrying that I cant extract myself from my childhood and Im worrying that Im fat. There is  a lot of research about how catastrophes dont really change who we are. Like if you lose a limb you will be just as happy after that as you were before you lost the limb. We have a happiness set point we revert back to. I used to think its  incredible. Now I think its consoling. I want to be me. I dont want to be someone who can be completely changed by a few hours. Or minutes, if you are just counting the moments when I thought I would definitely die. There are little things, maybe, that have changed. Like, maybe I focus on so much on resilience  because it was a huge focus in the group therapy sessions after 9/11. But really my whole life has been about resilience finding it inside myself. And thank goodness, because I know now, that I can rely on it to get me through anything. The events of 9/11 didnt change me, but they helped me to know I have the resilience Ill need to get me through life. Last week a friends son interviewed me about 9/11 for a school project. At the end of the interview he said, Cool. Thank you so much. Im going to have the best report of anyone! And I said, Great! I hope yours is the best! And thats how I know how well Ive bounced back. Fifteen years later I want to be the best school report, and the best mom, and the most thin. Not much has changed since I was seventeen  years old.